Travel Journal #4:Not The Best 3 Days!

Christmas was finally here, I cant say it was the best Christmas EVER. But I mean I HAD to open my presents at 12 on Christmas eve because we all just couldnt wait!

We started by our presents in our stockings...then with the small presents...then watched our parents open their present and then well...after a while or so...we ran out of presents to sneak open! So i guess that totally ruined our tradition of waking up at 3 in the morning on Christmas to open our presents...and I barely talked to my parents because me and my sister were watching the full season of Friends for the whole time during christmas eve.

AND we had to go to church, that ruined my whole day because; I almost choked to death on those bread thingies and almost cried when that little girl tripped over my burise (just so she could get attention) and had a hard time breathing because I was wearing my tight yellow tank top from Gap and I couldnt even understand what the priest was saying and my sister wasnt very happy about I dropped the whipped cream of our Christmas cake on her favourite jeans so she was kicking me very so often during the mass...yes, WHAT a BEAUTIFUL church mom, we got that after you whispered it about 50 times in my ear! Anyways, after that was done, we went to goeat at this VERY fancy place for dinner and at night we (me and my sister) finished watching Friends until 12 at night.

The next day (Christmas) we had absoloutely nothing to do so all of us went to go watch that new movie Avatar (it was brilliant!!!) and then I finished my Sophie Kinsella book and my mom was cooking Paella but after that we were extremely bloated so we just kind of drifted off to sleep. And then TODAY, we got food poisoned (except for my sister...hmm...) so here i am, clutching my stomache with no air-con , sweating in my pink bath robe (my mom told me to keep "warm").

Oh, well! Happy Holidays Everyone!!!

Travel Journal #3:Another Expectation for a Boring (meant to be fun) Day

Today was like any other boring day. I baked Christmas cookies, they were'nt made from scratch, and arent the BEST cookies someone could've made but I mean, how am I supposed to bake sugar cookies with my love when your mother is shouting in your ear, telling you what to do!! Or even have your sister elbow you with her freakishly pointy elbows! Anyways, once you get used to the strange after taste, it isnt so bad at all.

What really irritated me today, is the fact that I keep thinking to day is Christmas Eve! Maybe I AM desperte to rip open those parcels of presents. I've got to say; the carpet below the Christmas tree can barely be seen because of all those beautiful presents. But what I CAN wait about Christmas Eve or Christmas is that I have to go to Church. Not that I'm saying I would rather die thatn go but I just dont want to waste my time at some pretty church where a pope who can only speak Spanish drowns on and wait...those activities that they do for children during the mass! I mean I cant even UNDERSTAND them for goodness sake. I dont really think I'm allowed to say this under the same roof of my mom but I cant believe I am going to waste my precious Christmas time at some church where all I do is stare into space with perhaps my mouth hanging open slightly.

But when I think about the consequences I will have to face if I tell my mom all this is too harsh to imagine!

Oh well...Guess I'll have to face my Christmas with

boredom....AGAIN!

Travel Journal...#2:Randomly Boring

Ok... I know that I JUST posted my first travel entrey but I guess I'm way too bored to do anything else. Like a few people, Sunday was the day to go to Church. I didnt exactly believe in all that kind of holly stuff. But my mom is like a Christian....worshiper??? Anyways, it was the first time I went to Church in Panama, and it wasnt so bad once you get the hang of day dreaming...

For the rest of the day I had absoloutely nothing to do! I was so bored I was playing Sims 2...yes, AGAIN. Oh! And "Cats" was absoloutely fanatastic! Except that a few people were VERY rude; like texting during the performance or even walking in front of us, not even crouching down! But I thought those performers that came from New York were GREAT! I cant believe how lucky we (me, my sister and my mom) was to get such good seats! (I'm mostly lucky that I actually had something to do on a Friday night!)

I also played alot of Ping Pong, with my sister and we chose that who ever wins will have to buy another Christmas present (we were bored). So obviously I sucked at Ping Pong so I had to buy my sister and my dad a new Christmas present! :(

Oh well...At least I had something to do! Also, for people who are EXTREMELY bored, just call up a friend or something (*cough* me *cough* :) I'm pretty sure that some other people are bored too!

I wonder how my next travel entrey will turn out like! :S

First Week:Already Drowning With Boredom

Shoot! It was the first day with no school and I'm already bored! Gosh, I really do need a life! But on the bright side; i'm going to go see 'Cats' the broadway show on Friday, (YES!) no more boredom! I think I've already took a shower for about 6 times...or was there more...Oh my gosh! I cant believe I just typed that.

Back to my Travel Journal; so everyday I take god knows how many showers. And my dad just told me I was going to Playa Blanca on the first day of the year! That info was about the only interesting news I've heard during the whole holiday so far!

I think what really relieved me was that, I was about to go to Isla Grande by boat, but my sister got freaked out so we didnt have to go (Phew!) I have to say; I'm not very happy with water either (P.S: Showers are different). All I've been doing was just computer, computer....and more computers. I absoloutely think I CANT live without my computer!! :) i've started to play Sims 2....weird....

My holiday; as you know, isnt turning out as some great holidays should be like. No, I'm not going to America (sigh...) or not even back to Japan...ok, not so much a need to sigh but I guess I could spend my day in the cool air...wait no, the warm Summer air of Panama. And maybe i'll get some cool air if I turn down my Air Conditioner really low when I'm playing Sims 2. Oh Joy! Cant wait to see what my holiday journal will turn out like once I'm done!

The Trapped Dream

Massey, the lunch lady. She’s always kind to me. Giving me extra Gatorade on Fridays.
My friend and I would always visit Massey when we finished our lunches early.
Me, my friend and Massey; behind the lunch counter.
You know how I never tried anything new, she would say to me。We listened to her childhood stories. How she went through tiresome, boring days. I ask her if she had any hobbies. She tells me she never did and never will. I plead her to tell me. I could tell she was lying; because of the way her mouth will get thinner and thinner. My friend and I plead and plead.
She gave up. Lowered her voice, and said:
I would always go into my mom’s room and turn on her karaoke machine, and I would sing so much my throat will hurt. She tells us and giggles like crazy. As if it’s some joke.
As if her dream was a joke.
We both beg her to sing. So she did. She stood up and started singing.
We gaped as if the radio was turned on to that program “The Best Singer”.
We start shouting when she’s done. We tell her to become a singer. We tell her and tell her. But all she does is smile sadly.
Then she laughs again, and says; my dreams right in here! She taps her head lightly and looks into the distance, she looks as if she’s in some fantasy land. Where she could sing all she wants; nothing stopping her.
I’m sure Massey might not know her talent. But I can tell she has noticed it. She’s just not believing in her dreams.
I wouldn’t ever want to be in her situation; my life would be full of regret.
I know working in the school kitchens isn’t the best job.
She could be living a life of a star.
I’ll work hard Massey. I say to her I’ll live my dream for you. As I finish, Massey smiles. Tears in her eyes.
She nods in agreement and hugs me tightly.
You do just that, she whispers.

My Essence Of Happiness

Holidays was always a time when I can sleep until 12 in the afternoon. And watch Christmas videos on the couch with packs and packs of marshmallows, with my friends of course. Well, that was my idea of fun.

My parents would always drag me to church or even take me to family dinners where everyone has to either have a topic to talk about or have a book to read so you dont die of boredom while waiting for the food to arrive. When my family gets bored, and have nothing to do, we go to places like the beach or somewhere cold.

We go shopping and all that normal stuff. I know, it sounds like a pretty boring holiday.

But this year; I'm making sure I dont waste any of my holiday time. I'm going to unwrap presents slowly, I'm taking my friends shopping. I might even cook a feast for my family! Who knows I might die of boredom other than that restaurant we always go to.

Oooh! I just cant wait for the holidays; tinstle-toes and fairy lights. All waiting at my Cristmas tree. Finally, after what seemed like decades, will be appreciated! And I just cant wait!

My Ordinary Day

Like every other Thursday; I woke up and got ready for school. Our bus was arriving late as always, I was tired and kept thinking today was Friday. I got to school, remembering I had to retake a test after school (Groan) but on the bright side, my dad was coming back from Miami and promised that he had presents (Cheers). I was really excited on seeing my dad again (mostly because he bought a new laptop for me) but because....well you know, he's been gone for a while.......not that I'm only excited for the presents or something... Anyways, school was boring as usual, some classes were okay, I suppose. But I was as tired as a nurse would be after working her shift. I knew I should'nt be tired; I promised myself I would stay up until my dad came home!
I already didnt have enough time to catch up on my sleep. I was almost going to fall asleep on my lunch when I remembered I was at school. I packed my lunch away and carried on with the rest of my day.
After school, I had begged my friend to stay with me because didnt want to be alone. I took my test again and went out of the building, 2 of my friends were with me. It was extremely boring and mainly; I had no one to hang out with. When our buses arrived, I was looking for my friend so hard I thought I might ask a teacher, but finally I saw her running up to me, looking tired and she ran into the bus, I realised I was late. I had to go into my bus.
I had such a tired day, that even now as i'm typing this, I still feel a load of weight on my back and I'm almost about to collapse on my desk, but I remember how much I want to see my "dad" and that's how you get eyebags!

Mother's Day Spent Well

I woke up eith a nudge from my sister. She had a satisfied look on her face; I KNEW IT! I thought, my sister had taken credit of those cup cakes we baked the day before!
I went to the living room and found out I was right. She did take credit! Oh well, I'll take credit next year. I said good morning tiredly; making sure that she is'nt expecting anything. I hate it when she has her hopes up and has it crashing down the floor because of me!
My dad was in Miami and he didnt call my mom. He was probably busy. I thought about that vignette that was wrapped neatly, and was also stashed under my bed. Nah, I thought. I never really liked those emotional things. But I guess I'll look bad with out a present. I mean, my sister gave her cupcakes!! That's as best as she gets.
I walked over to my bed after breakfats, pulled it out from under my bed and held it to my chest, walked to the end of the hallway, geve it to my mom. She looked surprised, but she smiled and gently tried to open the present (It was teared apart by me in the end) and she gasped when she saw the frame. She read it and breathed in,
"Aww! Mari!! You really should'nt have!! What website did you copy it off from??" she asked all interested. I gaped at her. She really thought that I will EVER copy something off a website.
"Mom! I WROTE it!! Dont you see my name at the top!!?" I almost screeched. My mom looked at me, then to the frame, she grinned even more than before.
"OOOOOH! I see!!! Aww! Thanks Mari!" she said with little puddles of tears in her eyes. Finally! I thought!
The rest of that Mother's Day wasnt much, I just spent most my time shopping with Yeji and Tiffany, nothing more.A simple and...awkward Mother's Day.

Christmas=Guilt

I wonder if I will get presents for Christmas? Will my sister still give me presents??? Will my parents get me those expensive Pajamas?? I didnt know. I love presents more than anything! The surprise that's waititng to jump out of that neat little box, the feeling of how you know that it's your and not some shop's! I always think that I have been bad, and dont feel that I deserve this wrapping-paper-coated present!!! Do I? Or is it best to give and not get? But what about those things i could never get on a normal day?? Now I'm getting confused...
But this Christmas, I'm going to be greatful for what I got. I'm not going to go around feeling bad on Christamas!! I mean sure there's plenty of children who want these clothes or that new ipod! But this time, it's going to be about me. Yes, I know-I sound like a spoilt brat that wants everything. But I mean, I have problems too!!! My dad doesnt get thousands of dollars a week! I dont get everything I want when i go shopping!!! Holiday seasons are the best time I could feel like those rich people!
From now on, no more feeling bad on ny birthday or Christmas! It's time to get, and not get guilt, but pride and happiness! It's Christmas; and I'm going to enjoy it!

Movies Are'nt Life

I always wonder what people would say if I shouted back to them. I always watch celebrities on TV, always shouting back to their parents or to people who were even older than them, they would shout at men who were big and tough looking. I used to adore their bravery. I just looked up to them, thinking they were real people having ordinary lives, like me. I wonder if I would be brave, just like them.
But of course, that was a movie, on TV. The TV screen that keeps us inches away from reaching out the the movie star world. They showed so much potential. It made my spirits light up. But that was not real. People would pretend to get beaten up, showing us the scariness of life, but I wonder what would happen if I took chances like them, I wonder what it was like to hav so many chances.
It was just a movie, inches; like the TV screen, to become real.
So, I did take my chance. I was on a train, to the heart of Tokyo; because I needed to go shopping. My mom was sitting by the window. The train was cramped and hot; buisness men were wiping their necks with an expensive looking handkerchiefs, the train had a whole aura of cologne, hanging in the air. My stop came, one man pushed me, like I was expecting. I was always being pushed and pulled out of the way, I whirled around and said,
"Watch where your going!" as best as I could, but to my horror a fat man with a beard like an upside down broom, was standing there, it was just like in the movies, i thought. But it felt much , more nerve wrecking. The man glared at me, with 2 beady eyes. Glittering menacingly, I squeled, like a little piglet trapped in a slaughtering house. My mom was already off the train. It was just that man who was blocking me, and there were a whole lot of people, pushing to get out.
RRRRRIIINNNNGGGG! The bell went once, the train door was about to close on the 5th bell!! I looked around, my mom was looking for me outside. I searched for another door, but all I could see were people, and more people. Oh! Thank GOD!!!! I was saved!!! A door revealed itself from the midst of people! Absoloutely magical!! I wondered as I darted for the door, as fast as a rabbit would run away from it's predetor.
I saw the man stride to the door, but the 5th bell had rung, the doors closed with a clang. He looked so frustrated, it was horrofying. I found my mom and told her what happened. She was abit annoyed that I was being rude, but it was great that I escaped.
I guess all movies arent what they seem to be!

Forest Of Buildings

I'm a piece of Japan. Not afraid to stand up for racism. Always have a plan, in my head, out my mouth.

Dont care how different I look. Dont care how different I act.

Got my head in a book. And proud of being a book worm. I'm firm, when I'm pushed in a line in a mall, of a great shopping center Japan spreads the news about.

The city is packed; but I've got what I need it's all in my pocket. A little Tokyo in there.

I get all my seasons, in a year. Love my Country its my favourite so far. No country can beat them. No country other than Japan speaks our foreign language. To me it's like a mythincal language only a few no about.

Not afraid to stand up for racism. I can handle it all. Like a girl from Japan; I'm polite and shy. I stare out the lights and action, cars beeping everywhere. Got used to it? Not yet. My strange lullaby that comforts me; telling me I'm home.

Home is where everything is. Got my street light, got my construction sights. All my shops, all my computers, all my staionary. And evrything I need to survive. Got my family, got my friends, got all the electricity I need.

Japan, not known because of it's manga, or Nintendo. No, you havent seen everything yet. Japan. Known for its people; the people that make it a country. I'm one of them and going to stand up for it. I'm no bragger. But a citizen of a great country, that no one can be racist about. Go ahead, be racist. And you'll get a bit of what I think. The wind swishes this way and that. Telling me where to go, telling me where I can trust. I trust my city. The wind. The sky. The streets. The lights. The people.

No one can say bad about Japan, if they do, they're insulting everybody in Japan. Let me remind you. That's alot. You dont want to mess with them!

What Keeps Me Writing...

I liked imagining things ever since I could remember. Whether I was inventing some game or a story. I was always day-dreaming. And once I started 5th grade, I wanted to put my thoughts into a story or some form of writing. It makes me sound like a real show-off, I know I could be one sometimes! But anyways, I keep writing because I get homework, and I think it sounds boring at first, but I actually get really into it.
I'm no good at socializing or math or science or maybe even english. But I just like to do it by myself quietly, so I'm not in a tight box labeled "Homework" and I just like to do it because it keeps my mind busy from all the things I should be worrying about. It just makes me worry about lame things like punctuation and spelling. But what really keeps me writing is because it spills my thoughts that were crammed into my head.
It's just as if you have a new mind and can keep going with everyday things, knowing there is'nt going to be anything that you cant do. Writing is just like doing something you love. I'm not very good at it like everbody else, but I still do it no matter what sort of bad comments I get.
It's for emptying what's in there, dying to be known.
It's sort of like my personality for instance, it's not like I like being some sort of weird person who is just there, wasting space. That's where all my thoughts are, they're all there, just like I said.
So, that's what keeps me writing. Probably like everyone else says.

I do it for a fresh start!

Permanently Different

Dear Nashiya,

I haven't seen you for years now. Why don't you ever answer my e-mails? Some friends are a total sham and they don't like you...I hope your not one of them. Sorry this is irrelevant to what I'm talking about, but Christmas is precisely at least 80% better than my birthday. I know it's weird.I scavenged for things that looked good, but nothing!!! I hope you heed my advice in replying soon!

Your letters correspond in every way! You used to be so illustrious at school. Now you dont even brag. What's wrong Nashiya? Why cant you tell me? Did you become indifferent to the fact I'm not with you anymore? Have you began to antagonize me? I thought you had adequate kindness. But I dont supervise people... Maybe you need a respite, or maybe you became suddenly illiterate. I better just stop. I sound as if I'm an agent, desperate to acquire some juicy gossip!

Just remember I'm always here for you no matter what!! Dont fluster and keep your chin up and you're fine!! One could be permanently different right??

Your Friend, Mari

Her Disappointment

She cried into her pillow. I invited her over to my house.
She cried and told me she’ll come. I watched her cry her eyes out.
I keep saying he wasn’t worth it. All the girls are crazy about him; she was his ex-girlfriend. She says he’ll come back to her; crying as well. She waits.
We both wait. Expecting him to knock on the door, holding flowers. No one comes.
She cries and cries, at school she’s like a robot that has to be doing the same thing everyday. She tries not to show it. But everyone could see her tired eyes. Red from the tears and purple right under the eyes because of no sleep.
She repeats that she is okay; she repeats it even when no one asks. I pat her on the back.
She looks out the window from her room. Not leaving to go eat or drink. Fearing he might come for her and she wasn’t there to see him. She laughs it off everyday. Then she cries and cries. Same thing every time.
He struts around as if she never existed. She glances at his direction all the time.
Always trying to look pretty everyday. She looks worse after she cries near her window. The trails of her mascara. Trails of her disappointment.
She always wonders out loud.
“How can you love someone who doesn’t love you back?” and laughs, knowing she wasn’t in love. But the same things go on, everyday. Night and day. She wont stop her hunt. Disappointment is the only word for her love life.

The Shopper Who Came Out Of The "Box"

I absolutely like shopping. It makes me sound really bratty and spoiled, but it's true. I might not have the best clothes in my wardrobe, but thats why I started shopping. Ever since my sister told me I had terrible fashion sense, it struck me to think that she was actually right. I began my first shopping spree with my best friend, Nathatlie, she chose the most fantastic clothes ever!! I felt jealous and looked into my wallet, I had a nice amount of 80 dollars. I started with a few nice shirts with glittered sequins on (they all dont fit me anymore though..) and greedily smiled.

My friend was happily shopping when I pulled her over to shop after another, taking bags and bags of hand bags, shoes, pants, scented candles (its weird but I like shopping for those things), fluffy cushions and ended up with a new speaker!! Nathalie stared at me in shock and looked down at her pile of clothes; a neat pile of shirts and jeans, 2 of each. And she made me look at my messy pile; clothes, shoes like I said, were spilling out of their shiny, smooth, glossy paper bags. It makes me happy just to think about myself carrying those beautiful bags containing the most brilliant things that would be added into my closet. Yes, surprisingly it's not like I'm trying to be 'Little Miss Perfect' or anything at all. I guess my longest record of shopping is 6 hours I guess...But I'm not sure if that's a record out of all those shopaholics out there, I just seem to be a gold fish in a group of dolphins in a tank.

Missed Letters

Everyone was chatting amongst themselves and I just stood in the background. People were pushing and shoving in the lunch line and shoveling their sandwiches down they're throats. The girls were pointing in my direction, laughing at my old jeans I was supposed to wear, because it had been the only long jeans at my house at the moment. I was back from vacation and all my friends were still in Disney Land, getting on board to some fantastic ride. All the other girls at my school had a great tan and were giggling about their vacation. I was supposed to be among them, laughing with them and telling my actual friends my story. I really needed them right now, I didnt want to be a sad old bird that had come from my own vacation without looking like I had fun. They all wrote letters, yes i remember them, telling about the great sun and the beach. While I was stuck in Japan. Cold and rainy all vacation. It wasnt supposed to be cold and all, but some huge typhoon had to ruin my days.

I wish I had read those letters; those letters that were written in fancy hotel stationary, those letters where their memories were written; tearing them away from the sun, and into they're hotel rooms just to write some letter about forgetting to put sun-block and getting sun burnt. Just for me. I felt bad and I wanted to run away and write them a letter. Fast. I slipped onto the nearest table filled with exited girls. And wrote a letter in my head. Saying how I was sorry i missed they're letters. And how i absoloutely adored my trip to Japan. And my best freinds would have to be true to each other. No matter what. We'll stick together, through letters and e-mails and even if we see each other about school. We'll stick together like remote would on a T.V if we're far off, we could still be unseperable.

New Friend

She flustered as her name in the role call was called.
"Nathalie!", her teacher boomed through the large classroom. She raised her hand , she was new to this school. Old fashioned and dusty; her mother retorted when Nathalie tried to argue about the school. Her mother made a candid opinion about the school.
All the girls, who looked snobby and posh, as if they were going to make debut appearance to a new T.V show, as they swirled around in their seats to look at her, once more she felt her cheeks turn red, as red as her tight neck-tie around her neck. She felt almost obnoxious. She tried not to frown, or smile stupidly, Nathalie aspired to just hide under her table and sob. But she stood seated, trying to look bold and clever, ready to confront anyone who teases her. But inside she felt her heart pounding like a drum thundering in an orchestra.
At recess, all the girls went off in cliques. Nathalie stood at the doors, waiting for someone to come up to her and ask if she wanted to play. No body did. She glanced around and saw a girl swinging on the swings. Nathalie walked over, trying not to run away or trip in front of her.
"Hey! Is anyone using this swing?" Nathalie asked, looking at the girl and pointing to the swing.
"Sure, go ahead" the girl replied simply, not even looking at Nathalie. She wanted to say a funny joke and be smart and bubbly, but she just felt like a shy girl with no friends.
"So, where did you come from?? I'm Minnie by the way. Your new right??" the girl on the swing asked. Nathalie smiled, for what felt like ages, her new friend!

The Accidental Skater

　I decided I kind of liked going to my grandma’s house. It was actually pretty nice, well except for that creaky staircase, and maybe that French doll that glares at you with empty, tunnel like eyes. Anyways, it was always fun, me, my cousin and my sister, the three of us together, never separated.
“Want to help me cook Mari?” my grandmother would ask me in Japanese, I’ll always say,

“Can my cousin and Sara help too?”,

"Of course", my grandma would say but I always remember putting a special tone in my cousin. I was being bratty, yeah I knew. We would always play games behind my Sara’s back; Sara was always fooling around anyway, the favorite of my grandparents, I knew I should have said I didn’t want to, I should’ve said I didn’t need one. But the look in her eyes was too much, she looked a little sad, actually she was.
When my cousin went off to school, my sister and I went to the piano room, our usual place to hang out. We sniggered behind our hands, pouring the oil on to the floor, it all looked wrong to me. The oil looked like blood in the dim light.　
　Well you know what happened after "oil inidents"; okay, well actually...she slid across the floor, like a professional skater, and there was a crash, and all she got was a sprained ankle, luckily.
We said she slipped. we said it was an accident. We said it wasnt us. She said she doesnt know.

Memoir On Monday:Party Spoiler

I remember feeling the coldness, seeping under my blanket, tickling my feet; mixing with the warm toasty feeling in my bed. I got up, shivering and reached for my new coat (it was the only warm wearble thing around) slipping it on, ignoring the rough fabric, I suddenly changed my mind, and threw the coat on my bed. I liked the cold, it was like something I never experienced; the cold clinging to the air and my old pyjamas warming me up just a bit.

It was 7am, still dark; I stumbledin the dark, through the hall, trying not to wake anyone up. I absoloutely loved Christmas mornings, and just creeping under the tree to smell tghe pine scent. (It was a fake tree, but air freshener works) shoot! they're already awake!!! i thought as I heard footsteps. But i was already trying to peek into a small present! I quickly tried to retape it, the gold and red paper ripped right across the present, like red paint will be noticed on white paper...

When it was time to open my presents, mypresent was spoilt, and I was "The party spoiler" I guess I shouldnt let curiosity rome too far Just a bit.

Parties

It's going to be really hard. Breaking it down to her, she's probably going to be agitated, but it's urgent, it cant wait any longer. Besides; a respite is all she needs from all the work she's been doing; it'll keep her mind off of it, in a way. Well, yeah, I didnt spend adequate time with her, but on the other hand, I WILL be disrupting her ways of life.I thought all the way up to her house, I feel like i was toiling up the street. Each step, strenuous. I knew this was a bad idea. In fact, I actually tried to e-mail her earlier, but I felt illiterate and could'nt write a word. In the end, I closed my computer, feeling that I capitulated.I pressed my finger on the buzzer, at her house. I wanted to run; but my feet were permanentley glued to thr door-step. My friend opened the door, already looking eager and ready; I noticed balloons and games set out neatly behind her, "What's up?" she asked, I felt a pang of guilt, "I...I cant come to your sleepover" I reply in a rush. I saw her face droop a thousand meters. "But your the only person who's coming!" she tried to argue. But I repeated my words. "I'm really sorry" I say, and turn and leave.Ieel her sad eyes, boring holes at my neck. I cant tell that I was invited to another party, it's not a confession, but a fact.I went over to my other friend's party, and forgot all about being guilty, my friend, who was adminestering the party, started to get bored. So we started gossiping like crazy. They also were talking about that friend whose sleepover I didnt go to. I felt like, that every gossip was menial work for my ears to take in, I pretnded I had to take a shower, and sped in to the bathroom, breathing in the citrus scnet. My friends indifferent to whether I was gone or not.Then I knew I dont belong to this sleepover, but my best-friend's. I wont mention anyone but I guess it wasnt worth it. I wont go to a hovel but to a friend.